The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
