They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
