How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
