Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FUCK WHALES
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
