I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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