imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
