Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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