There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
