sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I deserve this hangover.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
