Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
