I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
