our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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