Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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