I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
