he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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