Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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