Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
