if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
