I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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