id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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