Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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