Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
