I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
