i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize