Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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