And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
