He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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