dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
