You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
