remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
