I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
