thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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