when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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