Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
