She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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