the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone shit on the floor
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
