Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
