I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
