i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
