No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
