Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
