How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
