omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
