Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
