Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
