I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nutella sex= disaster
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
