you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
