At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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