if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
