i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
