i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you inspire me to be a worse person
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
