You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
