I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
