We're facebook friends in real life
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
