you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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