Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
