Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
