I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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