Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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