at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
