how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
