do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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