There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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