I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I sprained my soul last night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
how does that bad decision feel?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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