my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
