So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
