So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
