i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
