He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
