I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
