so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The power of my boobs compel you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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