Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
