I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize