That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
