note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
