It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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