So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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