Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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