there's paper in my vomit.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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