You can't special order awesome
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
