oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
