Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
