You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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