four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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