You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
