My liver just broke up with me...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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