her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
