you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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