So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
