Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize