Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
