He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
