There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
