he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
