my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
