I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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