can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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