Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
