Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
