and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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