dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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