Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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